Paradoxes in a tale of Love

Updated: Sep 4, 2019

When I set myself off to start writing this blog, never in a million years did I think I would be writing about love. But here I am. I want to love and be loved just as much as anyone out there - so why not write about it.

Helen Fisher, a famous American anthropologist once said: ‘A world without love is a deadly place’. Researchers believe we are built to love and I don’t doubt that for a second, what I doubt though is our ability to stay on course - Is it until death do us apart or until love dies?

What is love anyway?

Love simply is - Paulo Coelho

I have followed an interesting love story, one that gives you a glimpse of hope but also a hint of what is means to love in this modern age - in 2015, a writer and academic professor wrote an article for ‘The New York Times’ entitled: ‘To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This’. Mandy Len Catron could not have predicted the amount of attention she would get after describing how she applied a 20 years psychological study into a first date - her story went viral.

The study, designed by psychologist Arthur Aron (and others), is a series of 36 questions that promise to probe and accelerate the process of intimacy between two strangers. Catron’s date wasn’t with a complete stranger but an acquaintance. Also they were sitting in a bar, and not in a laboratory when they decided to have a go at the experiment. But the million dollar question is: Did they fall in love? - Yes they did, it worked.

Years have passed and the couple science united are still together. In June 2017, Catron revealed in another article how their relationship survived and the secrets of it, the title: ‘To Stay in Love, sign on the dotted line’. After reading it, I couldn’t help but feel slightly puzzled - they came up with a relationship contract in which they stated their expectations on everything from sex to chores. She admittedly confessed the action may sound unromantic but it works. To me, in this case, romance just reached another level.

Call me whatever you want - fool, romantic, naive but I can't imagine myself being this explicit. Communication is obviously a key factor in any relationship but if I had to spell out my likes and dislikes from A to Z to someone on a piece of paper, that would drive me insane. I wouldn’t want my partner or myself to second guess each other but an exhaustive contract about our expectations would ruin it for me. In the past I have failed to express myself clearly, and I have learned a hard lesson. Today I have a full disclosure approach. I am not under any sort of false impression that ‘love conquers all’ - an idealistic idea seen in many fairy tales. And just because I wouldn’t do what Catron’s did, it doesn't mean I don’t respect her ideas. After all, she is not letting anything to chance. But I shall give it a pass.

What I understand about love is that it needs to be given freely, just as much as it needs space to grow. Whether you have signed a commitment agreement or not, you have to know that at some point things will take a turn for the worse, and you have to be willing to deal with it.

Marriage in a modern society has been going through a revolution, if before men and women had their roles defined for them, these days they enter a partnership ‘as equal’, we don’t marry for convenience, social status or economics (at least in the western world), we marry for love. However, the love we claim is the same one we throw away so effortlessly.

Since 1960 global divorce increased 251.8%. In a chart of the 10 countries with the highest rate of divorce, the United Kingdom ranks at number 7, with 42%. Luxembourg comes 1st with 87%, followed by Spain - 65%. Given these statistics, I am not surprised when people start acting all cautions to protect their love life - even if it means giving each other a contractual obligation on the status of their partnership to ensure long-lasting joy.

We seem to be living in the era of 'until love dies' whilst working on keeping the love flame burning.

Happy mating!

I would like to know what you guys think.

Let me know x

Photo by Nick Fewings

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London - England

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