Holy Crap - It's my 40th Birthday!!!!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...yep, I feel like saying FUCK all the time these days. More than usual I mean!

Soon, I will be 40 years old! Fuck! Deep breath and here it comes again ...FUUUCK!!!

Twenty years ago, if someone had asked me how I envisaged myself at this “golden age” (LOL!!!!!) I wouldn’t really know what to answer. But the truth is, I couldn’t possibly imagine that I would feel this lost. All I know is that it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to have it all. I don't actually recall having any plans per se but certain things were impregnated in my head - It's like I’ve been brainwashed from the minute I was born. Be a kid, grow up, study hard, have a career, fall in love, buy a house, get married, have kids, buy a bigger house - was that the secret or formula for having it “all”??? Or was society dictating it?

The reality is that my career, or the lack of it, hasn’t lived up to what I imagined it to be. Somehow my early days as an aspiring journalist are long gone. I presume my sudden move from Brazil to the UK 17 years ago didn’t make things easier on me - a new language, city, culture, friends, and lack of family left me feeling unsettled for a very long time. A whole new world was literally thrown at me. The challenges and excitement of the unexpected kept on coming and before I knew that living abroad was my destiny.

Fast forward, here I am! Single (for reference I have encountered few princes, none of them turned out to be charming), not a property owner and living in one of the most expensive cities in the world! Have I wished I had done things differently? Yeah maybe but then I wouldn’t be the same person I am today.

Personally, I still feel I am 20 years old, and to be quite frank going through the struggles as if I was one! I may not be leaving University in debt, jobless and full of drunken stories to tell but my career prospects is a joke, my credit card is my best friend and flying solo is my adventure. Have I lived two times twenty? I have checked my birth certificate, no error there. Fuck! Oh well, age is just a number, young is a feeling. Keep telling yourself that love ;)

Hey, how to be 40 these days? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And I mean it, how??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Now I know why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up! Can someone please get me a ticket to Neverland?

Photo by: Marion Michele

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